I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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