so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
