therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
