yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
