people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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