After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
