The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
