My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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