that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
