He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
