he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
