I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
