Kiss
Puke
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
