i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
