Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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