Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
