I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
