addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They have beer where we have blood.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
