My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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