Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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