probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
