She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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