Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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