i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
