4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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