My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
