went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
