But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
