So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
