Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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