forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
