I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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