goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
