She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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