Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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