please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
