I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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