I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
