FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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