How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
