why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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