you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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