I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize