Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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