Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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