I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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