I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
