let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
