Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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