I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
