he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
