My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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