I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
