he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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