I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
