Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
